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Integrative Psychiatry

What is Authentic Relating?

By December 19, 2024No Comments

The holidays are supposed to be all about togetherness, but let’s be real—they can also bring up feelings of loneliness and a yearning for deeper connection. This is where authentic relating comes in—a practice of communication that is centered on bringing mindful presence to our interactions. By embracing authentic relating, we can create real, meaningful bonds that nourish our emotional wellbeing. When we take the time to connect like this, we foster a sense of belonging and genuine closeness—something we could all use, especially during this time of year.

Benefits

To be in any relationship is to accept the contract of mutual impact; we are affected by and affect others. Agreeing to the vulnerability and responsibility of this contract is the basis for authentic relating. Think of authentic relating as a philosophy that emphasizes genuine and transparent social interactions. This means connecting with others about real-time emotions with the intention of truly understanding each other.

Because this type of exchange is based on radical honesty and openness (being seen and seeing others), intentionally engaging with authentic relationships may help deepen social connections. This sense of connectedness with others is extremely important to our individual and collective health. While isolation is associated with a number of psychological and physiological ailments, having a community supports vitality (see our blog on community here). Some specific benefits of interconnectedness include reduced stress; increased emotional resilience (and thus decreased symptoms of anxiety and depression); and enhanced immunity, cardiovascular health, and gastrointestinal function through nervous system regulation.

The Felt Experience

Authentic relating involves both self-awareness and a willingness to engage with our own emotions, nurturing relationships based on mutual respect and compassion. Vulnerability is a key component of authentic relating, which is quite scary! Fears of being bad, unlovable, or rejected may cause us to want to avoid emotional topics that reveal where we are easily wounded. With bravery, compassion, and assuredness of safety by the other, we might begin to experience feelings of enrichment and fulfillment, fostering a sense of connectivity, emotional safety, and joy. Thus, it is of the utmost importance that we embark in authentic relations with another who is equally on board and trustworthy.

When both parties engage authentically, conversations are centered around truly being seen and seeing the other, leading to a sense of feeling known and valued. While engaging authentically might feel highly uncomfortable at first, over time the acceptance and validation of each other develops into trust and safety. Trust and safety allows for greater self-expression, psychological flexibility, and expansiveness of creativity. Without the need for masks or fear of rejection, interactions become more natural and less stressful, creating space for playfulness and joy. As it is said in psychotherapy circles, we are wounded in relationship, and we are healed in relationship.

Embracing Authentic Relating

Authentic relating represents a transformative approach to building nourishing relationships. The journey towards authentic relating often begins by slowing down enough to be mindful of sensations and emotions in the present moment. Some questions we might ask are

What are these emotions telling me? (See our blog on emotional intelligence here.)

Are my emotions indicating that my needs and desires are met or unmet?

What exactly are my needs and desires?

Am I able to communicate needs/desires in a way that will be received positively? 

By fostering an environment of authenticity, we not only empower ourselves, we set an example for others, impacting our larger communities.

Sara Reed, MS, LMFT

Sara Reed is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and CEO of Mind’s iHealth Solutions, a digital health company that provides evidence based and culturally responsible mental health services for underserved groups. As a mental health futurist and clinical researcher, Sara examines the ways culture informs the way we diagnose and treat mental illness. Sara’s prior research work includes participation as a study therapist in psychedelic therapy research at Yale University and the University of Connecticut’s Health Center. Sara was the first Black therapist to provide MDMA-assisted psychotherapy in a clinical trial and continues to engage in ongoing advocacy work around health equity in psychedelic medicine.

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Jeffrey Guss, MD is a psychiatrist, psychoanalyst, and researcher with specializations in psychoanalytic therapy and the treatment of substance use disorders. He was Co-Principal Investigator and Director of Psychedelic Therapy Training for the NYU School of Medicine’s study on psychedelic-assisted psychotherapy in the treatment of cancer-related existential distress, which was published in Journal of Psychopharmacology, 2016. He currently is a study therapist in the NYU study on Psychedelic-Assisted therapy in the treatment of Alcoholism, a collaborator with Yale University’s study on psychedelic-assisted therapy for Major Depressive Disorder and a study therapist with the MAPS (Multidisciplinary Association for Psychedelic Studies) study on treatment of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder with Psychedelic-Assisted Psychotherapy. 

Dr. Guss is interested in the integration of psychedelic therapies with contemporary psychoanalytic theory and has published in Studies in Gender and Sexuality and Psychoanalysis, Culture and Society. He has published (with Elizabeth Nielson, PhD) a paper on “the influence of therapists’ first had experience with psychedelics on psychedelic-assisted psychotherapy research and therapist training” in The Journal of Psychedelic Studies, August, 2018. He is an Instructor and Mentor with the California Institute of Integral Studies’ Center for Psychedelic Therapies and Supervisor in NYU’s Fellowship in Addiction Psychiatry. 

Dr. Guss maintains a private practice in New York City.

Will Van Derveer, MD

Will Van Derveer, MD is Co-Founder of Integrative Psychiatry Institute and Integrative Psychiatry Centers. Dr. Van Derveer was co-investigator on a phase 2 MAPS study of Psychedelic-assisted psychotherapy for treatment-resistant PTSD, and co-authored the publication of this study in 2018. He has also provided Psychedelic-assisted psychotherapy in two MAPS training studies. An active provider of KAP at his clinic in Boulder, CO, he has been teaching others KAP therapy for several years. Dr. Van Derveer contributed a chapter on mescaline in the 2021 "Handbook of Medical Hallucinogens" (edited by Charles Grob and Jim Grigsby). He is co-host of the Higher Practice Podcast.

Dr. Van Derveer regards unresolved emotional trauma as the most significant under-recognized root cause of psychiatric symptoms in integrative psychiatry practice, along with gut issues, hormone imbalances, inflammation, mitochondrial dysfunction, and other functional medicine challenges. He is trained in Somatic Experiencing, EMDR, Internal Family Systems, and other psychotherapy techniques. His current clinical passion is psychedelic-assisted psychotherapy, which he mentors interested doctors in providing. An avid meditator, he has been a meditation instructor since 2004.

For the past several years Dr. Van Derveer has taught psychiatrists and other psychiatric providers integrative psychiatry in a number of settings, including course directing the CU psychiatry residents’ course as well as with Scott Shannon and Janet Settle at the Psychiatry MasterClass.


Scott has been a student of consciousness since his honors thesis on that topic at the University of Arizona in the 1970s under the tutelage of Dr. Andrew Weil. Following medical school, Scott studied Jungian therapy and acupuncture while working as a primary care physician in a rural area for four years. Psychedelic-assisted psychotherapy became a facet of his practice before this medicine was scheduled in 1985. He then completed a psychiatry residency at Columbia program in New York. Scott studied cross-cultural psychiatry and completed a child/adolescent psychiatry fellowship at the University of New Mexico.

In 2010 he founded Wholeness Center in Fort Collins. This innovative clinic provides cross-disciplinary evaluation and care for all mental health concerns. Scott serves as a site Principal Investigator and therapist for the Phase III trial of psychedelic-assisted psychotherapy for PTSD sponsored by (MAPS). He has also published numerous articles about his research on (CBD) in mental health. Currently, Scott works extensively with psychedelic-assisted-psychotherapy. He lectures all over the world to professional groups interested in a deeper look at mental health issues, safer tools, and a paradigm-shifting perspective about transformative care.

Will Van Derveer, MD is co-founder of Integrative Psychiatry Institute (IPI), along with friend and colleague Keith Kurlander, MA. He co-created IPI as an expression of what he stands for. First, that anyone can heal, and second that we medical providers must embrace our own healing journeys in order to fully command our potency as healers.

Dr. Van Derveer spent the last 20 years innovating and testing a comprehensive approach to addressing psychiatric challenges which transcends the conventional model he learned in medical school at Vanderbilt University and residency at University of Colorado, while deeply engaging his own healing path.

He founded the Integrative Psychiatric Healing Center in in 2001 in Boulder, CO, where he currently practices. Dr. Van Derveer regards unresolved emotional trauma as the most significant root cause of psychiatric symptoms in integrative psychiatry practice, along with gut issues, hormone imbalances, inflammation, mitochondrial dysfunction, and other functional medicine challenges. He is trained in Somatic Experiencing, EMDR, Internal Family Systems, and other psychotherapy techniques. His current clinical passion is psychedelic-assisted psychotherapy, which he mentors interested doctors in providing. An avid meditator, he has been a meditation instructor since 2004.

For the past several years Dr. Van Derveer has taught psychiatrists and other psychiatric providers integrative psychiatry in a number of settings, including course directing the CU psychiatry residents’ course as well as with Scott Shannon and Janet Settle at the Psychiatry MasterClass. In addition to his clinical work and teaching, he was co-investigator in 2016 a Phase II randomized clinical trial, sponsored by the Multidisciplinary Association for Psychedelic Studies (MAPS). He continues to support this protocol, now in a Phase III clinical trial under break-through designation by FDA.

Dr. Van Derveer is a diplomate of the American Board of Integrative and Holistic Medicine (ABoIHM) since 2013, and he was board certified in the first wave of diplomates of the new American Board of Integrative Medicine (ABIM) in 2016.